There are so many good reasons as to why self-forgiveness is so important.
It is an expression of self-love, self-compassion, and self-empathy.
When you are able to forgive yourself for your past deeds, you will understand better how to conduct yourself in a more appropriate way the future.
Which is a fancy way of saying that you are behaving in a more mature way i.e. personal growth.
It’s about being human
It is this path of our personal growth that we must all go through, no exceptions.
We all make mistakes.
We have all said and done things that we are not proud of.
It comes hand in hand with being human.
It’s how we learn, and it’s not always a bad thing.
What our minds tend to do
Part of being human is having that negative inner voice that plays the situation over and over again in our minds.
We are so willing to put ourselves down.
So ready to embrace the negative ideas and to hold on to them, making them part of our identity.
It becomes difficult to accept any self-forgiveness.
Our minds replay the situation in our heads and the result is always the same.
We are our own worst enemy.
No-one can punish us like ourselves.
What can we do to achieve self-forgiveness?
I was brought up being told “you cannot fix what you don’t acknowledge”
Meaning that if you are unable to see the situation in its full, your part in it as well as that of any other people involved, nothing is going to change.
You need to take responsibility for your own actions and words.
Accept that you did what you did.
Not easy I know.
Once you have uncomfortable acknowledged your part, you can now carry on a conversation with yourself.
Talk through what happened.
What made you upset?
What still frustrates you and why?
What is it that you did that still upsets you?
But don’t just play the situation over and over again, you are meant to work through it, not relive it.
Don’t forget that it is done. It cannot be undone.
You can make an agreement to behave differently the next time this situation presents itself.
And you can make amends.
If you do need to or want to make amends to somebody, what would it be for?
What does it look like?
How will you do it?
If you need to make a plan, then make one.
If you just need to call, then call but be clear as to how you wish to conduct yourself and what message you wish to bring.
Remember to try and not assume how the other person is going to react, or what they may say.
If they do not respond in the way you expect them to, you may end up back in the very situation you are there to amend.
Just remember you are doing this for yourself as much as, if not more so, than for the other person.
It’s about your self-forgiveness and if you are unable to make amends then at least you tried and you are able to move forward.
Let it go
So much easier to say than to do, I know.
But this is where the forgiveness part comes in.
To be able to acknowledge and understand that you are only human, and you are allowed to make mistakes, is forgiveness.
What comes from self-forgiveness
Realising that you have a choice, moving forward, as to how you conduct yourself, your thoughts, actions, and your reactions.
That is true result of self-forgiveness.
It will be a reflection upon who you really are as a person.
Knowing the good and the not so nice sides of yourself is a powerful thing.
It means the more you forgive yourself, the less times you will need to do so, because you will no longer put yourself into those situations, or choose to be around people who put you into those situations.
Just like so many things in life, this will take practice.
But you know what they say, “practice makes perfect”.
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